January 2012
3 posts
5 tags
Newt Gingrich Requests "Open Campaign"
CHARLESTON, SC: Renowned jowl enthusiast, Newt Gingrich, is requesting an “open campaign” following his rebounding pole numbers in the South Carolina primary.
According to a spokesman for Gingrich, the former Speaker of the House “appreciates his own campaign, but it also attracted to Mitt Romney’s campaign since it is so successful,” and because it has “a...
4 tags
Apathetic Teen Loses God, Recovering Alcoholic...
DIGLET, PA: Recovering alcoholic, Walter Smegs, is being honored for finding a local teen’s lost god.
According to reports, the teen, Skyler Moody, lost god after breaking up with his girlfriend. Allegedly, Moody thought he and his sweetheart “would be together forever.”
In a recent interview, Smegs described finding the lost god as “truly joyous,” and...
3 tags
In Protest of SOPA and PIPA, College Students...
CHINA, IL: College Students nationwide protested SOPA and PIPA by blacking out Wednesday evening.
Students got the idea after being unable to use Wikipedia to write their papers. Word of the student blackout was spread via Twitter with #letsgetshitfaced.
“I’m proud to be blacking out so hard tonight,” said fraternity brother Henry “Dave” Mathews, before adding...