POINT PLACE, WI: Actor and closet puppet-fan, Ashton Kutcher, entered rehab earlier today for a jenkem addiction.

According to a spokesperson for Kutcher, the addiction was responsible for his recent infidelity, especially “the raw-dogging aspect.”

Jenkem, a drug distilled in a plastic bottle from human feces, is known to cause bad-acting, smugness, sexual promiscuity, coprophillia and butterfly-effects.

Kutcher’s doctors released a statement saying the actor will be refused Taco Bell during his treatment.