WARWICK, RI: Nicholas “Santa” Clause was arrested early this morning by Warwick police on charges of breaking and entering.

At approximately 12:15 A.M local time, authorities arrived at 1225 Chestnut Avenue after receiving a call that an unknown person had entered the premises. Police found Claus in the living room “eating cookies” and “fiddling around with holiday gifts.”

“We were scared,” said the victims, who wished to be identified only as Bernie and Phyl. “He looked disheveled and crazy with that beard of his.”

According to Chief Ron Donald, authorities “have been after this guy for years.” Donald identified evidence that the North Pole native entered the homes of victims “through the fucking chimney…seriously.” Claus faces similar charges in at least 300,000 municipalities worldwide.

At large still are eight accomplices described as male, in their mid-400’s, and reindeer.