NEW YORK, NY: Writer, director, and motorist, Woody Allen, has been officially diagnosed as normal. This comes as a surprise after having been previously diagnosed as weird.

Allen performed the test himself by nervously pacing back and forth while babbling quietly. The results came in after the standard 72 hour period of introspection, panic attacks, and self loathing customary for such tests.

Allen’s results  come in spite of displaying several key symptoms fitting a diagnosis of weird, including neurotic behavior, self doubt, Whiny Voice Syndrome (WVS), and Sleeper. But Allen asserted that he “double-no, triple checked [the results]. I’m normal. It’s everyone else that has problems with aggressiveness and intransigence and those kinds of behaviors.”

“This is a surprise as much as it is a relief,” said Soon Yi, child-bride of Allen. “When he asked me out for drinks when I was in middle school, I thought something might be up. But now I know he’s fine.”

However, Allen did test positive for herpes RM