TORONTO, ON: Alleged Benodryl addict Whoopi Goldberg found her missing eyebrows while cleaning her living room earlier today. Sources report that they were under a cushion on her love seat.

Goldberg’s eyebrows have been absent from her face since they went on strike in 1978. According to testimony, they had planned on returning to work but got bad directions from a loiterer outside a Dairy Queen.

Rumor Machine contacted Goldberg for comment regarding the brows. According to Goldberg, “conservative people are ignorant.”