BURLINGTON, MA: Andy Dick was arrested Wednesday afternoon on charges he sexually assaulted a “down” escalator at the mall.

At approximately 1:34 P.M, Dick was seen approaching the escalator. According to witnesses, the star of Road Trip asked the moving staircase if it “would go down on [him]” before, giggling, removing his pants, and committing the act.

“I wasn’t…I wasn’t exactly sure what I was watching,” said officer Ronald LeGrange Lafayette DeMonet. “It was the kind of thing they don’t train you for as a Mall Authority Figure.”

Dick is being held on $10,000 bond, an amount Judge Mesher Harris felt Dick “couldn’t possibly possess at this point.”