HOLLYWOOD, CA: In a recent expose, Time Magazine revealed that Ned “Carlos Mencia” Holmes doesn’t know how to tie his shoes.

Experts familiar with the situation have agreed that this is due to the fact that Mencia is an idiot.

“Yeah, I saw him once and he was wearing Velcro shoes,” said Crispin Glover, star of Back to the Future and Willard. “Then he saw I had regular shoes that were tied and he stole them and said they were his shoes”.

Mencia has yet to announce plans to learn to tie his shoes.